The Weird Technique That Relieves Anxiety & Loneliness
It’s been one year since our lives drastically changed. Schools shifted to virtual learning, many of us were scrambling to set up home offices, and some lost their jobs. Life looks somewhat different today. But we can see the light at the end of the tunnel; there is hope.
With so many drastic changes, 2020 also saw a rise in stress, anxiety, and loneliness. The American Psychological Association reports that 78% of Americans say the coronavirus pandemic is a significant source of stress in their lives. I’m part of that group.
As anxiety and stress increase, self-care is essential, whether that’s through outdoor exercise, getting into nature, yoga, reading more, unplugging from technology, or breathing exercises. I enjoy going for a run. Being outdoors is my go-to. (In cases of extreme stress, anxiety, loneliness, or a psychological disorder, seek the help of a professional.)
If we don’t care for ourselves, we’re unable to care for others.
There are many techniques and practices to help us navigate stress.
Let me introduce you to a method that neuroscientists have found useful. You may already do this and not even realize it’s an actual practice. Enter: havening. Neuroscientist Dr. Ronald Ruden created havening techniques a decade ago. Havening uses gentle touch to the upper arms, hands and face, and constructive messaging to replace stressful responses with healthier ones.
Havening can be as simple as rubbing your hands together, on your face, or through your hair when you feel stress rising. You may do these simple acts without even realizing it. But neurologically, it helps your brain cope with stress.
You may be asking, how does this help? (I know I was).
Havening helps boost oxytocin, a “love hormone” that is typically released through human touch and bonding. Contact is something that we’ve been lacking over the past few months. The hugs, handshakes, and high-fives all help us de-stress. Havening can convince your brain that you are receiving some of this touch.
We are built for community, for relationships, and to do life with other people (in-person, not virtually). This has presented challenges for many as we balance our need to be with people and health concerns. Of course, I’m not suggesting that havening should replace personal contact and touch. But in a world where touch and close proximity is still being limited or feels uncomfortable to many, havening is a great way to calm yourself and the ones you love. It’s also helpful for those who are not comfortable being touched by others.
This technique can also be beneficial for kids, especially as anxiety has risen due to online school and the lack of time with friends. If your child has been struggling with meltdowns, anger, or anxiety due to loneliness, encourage them to pause, take a deep breath, and wrap their arms around themselves in a big bear hug. It may seem weird at first, but practicing havening can help you feel more grounded and connected.
We have learned much over these past 12 months. We’ve learned resilience, flexibility, what’s important, and that we are made for relationships. We’re made to be with other people, and our brains need that connection, along with physical touch.
As we push forward through this pandemic, continue to take care of yourself and your family. If you haven’t already, figure out what reduces your stress and brings you joy. Use havening if you feel out of control or anxious. Put self-care at the top of your to-do list. And if you take up running, I’ll see you out there.
Other helpful resources:
Why Does My Husband Watch Porn?
Your husband watches porn. I’m sure this has caused some mixed feelings within you. Should you be concerned? Or should you be okay with this? Or maybe you’re concerned about how okay you are with it. And you’re not sure how you feel about that.
But your big question is, Why? What’s the allure, the drive, the motivation? Is it something you’re doing or not doing? Regardless, talking about why husbands watch porn isn’t an easy topic. But you’re looking for answers.
I honestly don’t know why your husband looks at porn. But we can narrow it down to what we know is quite common out there among guys.
Before we dive in though, let me tell you what more than likely is not the reason he looks at porn: you. Unless you’re force-feeding him to look at those images online, you are not the reason. It’s nothing you did, or how you are, or the way you do things (or don’t do things) in the bedroom or otherwise.
Take it from a guy who’s been in the struggle. Sometimes, I’ve even put the blame on my wife for my online behavior. Thinking things like, “Well, if she weren’t so tired all the time,” or “I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.” Doing this is easier than facing the reality of my own guilt or shame. So, even if your husband tells you it’s your fault, it’s still his decision to look at porn. Let’s just take that pressure off of you.
Now that we can lay that aside, what are some common reasons happily-married guys look at porn?
They began the habit at an early age.
The younger a guy has his first exposure to pornographic images, the more profoundly it affects him throughout his life.1 Studies have shown that kids exposed to pornography are more likely to want to repeat what they’ve seen without understanding what they’ve seen.2 Think of the weight of that. Their views of sex are easily skewed to focus on power, self-satisfaction, fear, or violence rather than intimacy, connection, and love. If your husband began looking at porn early on as a child, it possibly formed a habit that was harder to kick than if he were first exposed later in life.
Pornography has deep-seated effects on the brain.
Studies show that the physical landscape of the brain actually changes when a guy watches porn.3,4 It creates neural pathways, making it easier to fall into the trap of desiring pornographic images over and over. It’s like paving and repaving a road to make it easier to travel on each time. Chemical processes occur, which researchers have compared to that of cocaine addiction; the reward centers in the brain are in full-tilt, promising euphoric (although temporary) feelings with each “hit.” The bad news is that with each encounter with porn, it takes just a little more “shock” to get the same amount of high as before.5 The good news is the evidence is strong that the brain can be re-rewired to reverse porn’s adverse effects on the brain.6,7,8
He may be caught in a vicious cycle.
For many men, sex is a short-term cure for anxiety, depression, stress, or insecurity.9 The problem is pornography has been shown to increase these negative feelings.10 Here’s the general idea: Your husband views porn to get some relief from, say, anxiety. And it works, but only for a short time. What comes next, however, are feelings of shame and remorse. Shame turns into more anxiety. And he’s back where he started. If your husband is caught in a negative cycle, it might be hard for him to understand how to break out of it.
He just doesn’t know it’s unhealthy.
Sometimes what porn provides masks the damage it does to a person, their brain, and their relationships. It could just be that he’s blind to what porn is doing to him, you, and your marriage.
These four ideas are usually at play among men who watch porn. But reasons why a husband views pornography are complex and differ from person to person.
One thing we know: pornography can be damaging to a person’s mental health and to their marriage. This is why it’s critical to talk to him about his reasons and seek professional help if necessary. Understanding why he watches porn is the first step; keeping your marriage healthy and protecting it is the ultimate goal.
Other Helpful Links:
- What to Do When You Catch Your Husband Watching Porn
- Should I Be Upset That My Husband Watches Porn?
- 9 Warning Signs of Porn Addiction
- How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
Sources
1American Psychological Association. (2017). Age of first exposure to pornography shapes men’s attitudes toward women.
2Martellozzo, E., et al. (2016). I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it: The impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours of children. London: NSPCC
3Hilton, D.L. (2013). Pornography addiction – a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767
4Pitchers,K.K., et al. (2013). Natural and drug rewards act on common neural plasticity mechanisms with delta FosB as a key mediator. https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.4881-12.2013
5Love, T., et al. (2015). Neuroscience of internet pornography addiction: A review and update. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs5030388
6Pfefferbaum A., et al. (2014). White matter microstructural recovery with abstinence and decline with relapse in alcohol dependence interacts with normal ageing: A controlled longitudinal DTI study. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(14)70301-3
7Yau, Y. H., et al. (2015). Gambling disorder and other behavioral addictions: recognition and treatment. https://doi.org/10.1097/HRP.0000000000000051
8Rullmann, M., et al. (2019). Adiposity related brain plasticity induced by bariatric surgery. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2019.00290
9Perry, S.L. (2018). Pornography use and depressive symptoms: Examining the role of moral incongruence. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156869317728373
10Koob, G.F. (2013). Addiction is a reward deficit and stress surfeit disorder. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2013.00072
25 Fun Dates to Spruce Up Your Marriage This Spring
It’s the time of year for flowers, birds, and butterflies. Spring is known as a time of rebirth after the dormant season of winter. For many, it’s the time for spring cleaning and sprucing up your home, inside and outside. Likewise, making time to spruce up your relationship may be what you need to stir up those butterflies in your stomach, too!
Dating in marriage can bring joy and fun to your relationship and even make it feel new and fresh again as you enter a new season.
This list of date ideas for couples can get you goin’.
- Visit a local u-pick farm. Find a farm that grows your favorite fruit (strawberries, blueberries, etc.)
- Check out a farmer’s market for some garden goodies. You’ve probably got a weekly market with local products you’d enjoy.
- Stargaze. Light your fire pit. Find specific constellations in the spring sky and talk about your dreams for the future.
- Watch a sunset/sunrise together. Take a thermos of coffee. Grab a blanket, find a spot, and snuggle up.
- Go Junking/Antiquing/Yard Saling. Spend $10 on a unique gift for each other.
- Ride bikes.
- Take walks together. It can be in your neighborhood, nature, or park.
- Play games in the park. Pack your frisbee, fly kites, or bring a ball to throw or kick around.
- Plant something together. Think flowers, an herb garden, or trees.
- Have an old-fashioned game night. Card games, board games, or Truth or Dare are good options. Use your imagination.
- Make homemade ice cream. Make your favorite ice cream and have toppings on hand that you like!
- Take a Segway tour, either of your city or a city near you.
- Fill out your own March Madness brackets with friendly wagers either game by game, Sweet 16, Elite 8, Final Four, or national championship. Prizes could be massages, Girls’ or Guys’ Night Out, or maybe the winner gets breakfast in bed.
- Participate in a First Things First Virtual/DIY Date Night.
- Plan a community service date where you focus on helping other people. Join local Meals on Wheels, a food bank, or a community clean-up. Give away stuff you don’t need/use. (Don’t be limited by this list. Let your creative juices flow!)
- Do a spring photoshoot. Take selfies, ask a friend to take pictures, or hire a pro. Go to various locations, such as a parking lot, museum, car lot, or a nature park.
- Visit a winery or distillery. Learn about the process they use and try samples.
- Have a water date. Paddleboarding, a water balloon fight, rafting, swim park, sprinklers/water hose, beach, canoeing, fishing, or kayaking are options.
- Create your own food tour of local eateries. Sample Thai food, pizza, sushi, tacos, hamburger, ice cream, or french fries. Check out places you haven’t tried before!
- Fire up your BBQ grill. Have a grilling contest and eat outdoors.
- Attend a minor/major/little league baseball game. Grab some peanuts and Cracker Jacks…
- Go to a drive-in movie theater. Find one here.
- Plan an “Expand Your Mind” date. Read and discuss a book together. Watch a documentary.
- Zoo date! Visit a nearby zoo or travel to one. You may be able to see newly-born baby animals. (And sometimes the library will let you check out a free pass!)
- Spa date night! Give each other pedicures, back and shoulder rubs, or foot massages. Do facials or take a steamy bath.
Spring is a time for new beginnings. And after the year we’ve had, that may be just what the doctor ordered. These spring date ideas can not only help you have fun with your spouse—they can create a fresh start for your relationship and help you have a stronger marriage all year long.
Have fun!
Other Helpful Links:
Getting bored of your typical takeout and a night in? Check out this date night, a spin on a more classic evening. This date night will get you safely out of the house, enjoying each other’s company, and growing deeper with every moment. And all you need is a car (and even that’s optional) and a bandana!
Supplies:
- A car
- A blindfold/bandana
Instructions:
- Both partners pick three menu items from a favorite restaurant. Don’t tell your honey! (If you need to order ahead from this restaurant, do so before you leave and do a curbside pickup order) [NOTE: Want to spend the full night in? Order delivery instead!]
- Pick one person to drive first. The other person gets in the car blindfolded!
- Go and pick up your food! Then drive to a different location so your spouse can’t see where the food is from. (Pro-tip, bring a blanket along to cover the food so they can’t see the bags/branding!)
- Now, switch roles and pick up the other order!
- Once both orders are picked up (and neither spouse knows where the other person went), you can finish this date night either in the car or back at home.
- One spouse, put the blindfold back on.
- The non-blindfolded person then has to feed their partner the three menu items! Keep the blindfold on until they’ve guessed what they’re eating.
- Switch roles again!
- Once you’ve both guessed all three correctly, put the blindfold down and answer the questions below to take the date night deeper.
Questions To Take It Deeper:
- On a scale of 1-10, how well would you say I know you?
- What’s one thing I can do to be a better listener?
- How can I better express my feelings and emotions to you?
- How have you seen me change since the first time we met?
- What would you say is my biggest strength and weakness?
- Would you say you’re more in love with me now than when we first got together?
- What can we regularly do together to help grow our relationship?
- How have you seen our relationship change since we first got together?
- What’s one thing I might not know about you? (Think abstract & get creative! Fears, weird thoughts, childhood memories, etc.)
- If you and I could go anywhere in the world together for a month (all expenses paid) where would you want to go?
- What’s one thing you’ve missed a lot because of the pandemic?
- How can we keep each other accountable to adapting to our ever-changing world?
Looking for more creative date night ideas? Check out our full page here!
Practical Ways to Practice Generosity in Marriage
Do you want to knock your spouse off their feet? Want your spouse to want more sex without even saying the word “sex”? Wanna keep a smile on your spouse’s face and have them bragging about you to others? The secret (drumroll, please): Generosity. Overwhelm them with generosity.
Generosity in marriage is quite underrated. But researchers have shown that when couples focus on generosity instead of fairness, their marriages tend to be more fulfilling.
Here are some practical ways to show generosity to your partner.
Ask what makes them feel special.
Don’t assume you know. Ask questions like: When do you feel most loved? What makes you feel appreciated? What challenges are you facing right now? How they answer will help you show generosity in ways that say you know them. These aren’t one-time questions. You might ask every few months. Situations and circumstances change—challenges and needs for appreciation change.
Observe and Do. Listen and Follow Through.
Study your spouse to find ways they like to feel appreciated or ways to help relieve stress. Look for things causing stress. Observe what’s pulling at their time and energy. Listen to what they’re complaining about. Don’t think about what your spouse can do for you. Focus on learning what you can do for your spouse. We can give you great ideas. Your spouse can give you better ones without even realizing it.
Keep Score.
Researcher Shaunti Feldhahn says, “Trade a sense of entitlement for a sense of indebtedness.” She suggests that you can cultivate generosity in your marriage by keeping track of your spouse’s needs and doing those things for them. Make it your mission to outdo your spouse with generosity. How many needs can you notice and meet? Make a game out of it. See who can do the most little things to show generosity.
Get Your Marriage Degree in the Little Things.
It’s the little things that make the difference.
- Brew a cup of coffee and set it next to them so they smell it when they wake up.
- Give spontaneous compliments without expecting anything in return.
- Buy them their favorite little treat when you run in the store.
- Be their biggest cheerleader for work and extracurricular projects.
- Give them the night off while you put the kids to bed. Have the kids give your spouse a hug and kiss and then go quietly to bed themselves.
- Drop a surprise note on their driver’s seat so they’ll see it when leaving for work.
- Text them before a work presentation.
Develop Unending T.E.A. Time (Tirelessly Expressing Appreciation). Make a habit of saying,
- “Thank you for…”
- “I appreciate you for doing…”
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “You were great when…”
Initiate discussion on sharing household chores.
Admittedly, this is better for those who may naturally do fewer tasks at home. Anyway, being generous with your time in areas that aren’t necessarily as “enjoyable” for you is always good for your relationship.
Be generous with a smile.
Let your joy come from your spouse being loved and having needs met, not from what you are doing for them. Doing freely for your spouse without expecting anything in return is the essence of generosity in marriage.
Forgive.
It’s pretty hard to be generous when you’re holding on to resentment or unforgiveness. Forgiveness helps you to love as much as it helps your spouse to feel loved by you.
Perhaps you have some more ideas on ways to be generous in your marriage. If you do, please send them to us! We’d love to spread the word and help other couples increase their marital happiness through abundant generosity.
In the meantime, keep giving generously and watch what happens in your relationship.
Other helpful links:
- Why Generosity Matters in Your Marriage
- 7 Ways to Show Your Spouse You’re Thankful for Them
- What to Do When My Spouse Feels Unappreciated
- DIY Date Night | Appreciation Station
- 6 Exercises to Strengthen Emotional Intimacy in Marriage
- I Can’t Forgive My Spouse
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
7 Ways to Increase Trust in Marriage
Trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage. It’s like oil in a car engine, heat in an oven, Beyoncé in Destiny’s Child. Without it, things just don’t work well.
Ideally, marital trust should grow with time. It’s a glue in your relationship that ought to get stronger, even though it isn’t always the case. Trust can rust.
The good news is you can strengthen that glue.
We all have the power to value or devalue a marriage, to help or hurt our spouse’s well-being. Think about it: the next words I choose to say to my wife can either make her smile or cry or make her just plain mad. I’ve got that power. (So does she.) And my words will make me look more or less trustworthy in her eyes.
A big part of increasing trust in marriage is channeling that power to be beneficial and to do that often.
Want to increase trust in your marriage? Here are 7 ways to amp it up!
1. Extend Forgiveness
Forgiveness goes a long way. It means you’ve decided to work through negative emotions, that you’ve let go of the need to “get even.” Forgiving your spouse shows you’re willing to recognize they are human. Which, in turn, takes the pressure off having to be perfect for you. And it shows you can be trusted to not keep score of wrongdoings and that you are committed to trust again after a fallout.
2. Uphold Boundaries
Maybe the idea of boundaries seems limiting to you. But when it comes to building trust, it’s quite the opposite. Healthy boundaries can keep you both on the same page. How you decide to navigate social media. What you view online. Friendships (particularly with the opposite sex). Resolving conflict. Spending leisure time. Dividing up chores. Handling these and other issues well can increase trust.
3. Express Humility
Humility is simply an accurate view of the self, both the good and the bad. You express humility when you use your power to build your spouse up instead of yourself or ask for forgiveness. And research suggests that humility is associated with greater trust and marriage satisfaction.
4. Exercise Vulnerability
Brené Brown says vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and exposure. It’s being fully seen, warts and all. Research says trust arises when risk is involved. In other words, you’ve got the power to either affirm or attack each other’s vulnerable spots. The more you show vulnerability in your marriage and affirm your spouse’s openness, the stronger the trust.
5. Practice Reliability
Your trustworthiness is also affected by how well your spouse perceives your follow-through. Do you follow up with people, complete projects, see your goals to the end? Keep your commitments? Have you ever given your spouse cause to doubt your reliability? When your spouse sees you as reliable, it builds more trust.
6. Show Self-Control
The same idea goes for your spouse’s perception of your self-control. Do you typically keep your cool? Choose your words calmly and carefully? Keep your moral integrity intact? Do you try to respond in helpful ways, even if it’s tough or costly? These are all signs of self-control that build trustworthiness between you two.
7. Develop Confidence in Your Spouse
Author and researcher Shaunti Feldhahn says that couples who believe the best about each other have high marital satisfaction. Even during conflict, both acknowledge they’re on the same team. And no matter what, their spouse has their back. This kind of confidence boosts the marital trust factor.
The bottom line is, powerful trust makes for a powerful marriage. Share your intentions with your spouse. Begin working on one or two of these tried-and-true trust practices this week. Trust is key.
Other helpful links:
- 7 Signs You Have Trust Issues in Marriage
- How to Rebuild Trust in Marriage
- What Does Trust Look Like in Marriage?
- How to Tell If Someone Is Trustworthy
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
Why Generosity Matters in Your Marriage
You know that couple. The one who has been married for many years and seems just as madly in love today as when they said, “I do.” You know who I’m talking about. Do you ever sit back and ask yourself how they do it? I do. If you could sit down and talk to them, you might be surprised if they told you that it takes more than love. That kind of love takes effort. It takes intentionality. But there is one other component present… generosity.
What is generosity in marriage?
The National Marriage Project defines marital generosity as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly.” It’s giving without expecting anything in return. Giving with no strings attached. Their survey of 1,365 married couples explains that generosity is small acts of kindness, displays of respect and affection, and a willingness to forgive each other’s faults.
This doesn’t mean we view marriage as 50/50. If you’re married, you know you have to give way more than 50%. You’re all in.
It means that we give generously, not to receive. It’s giving without expectation. Maybe that means you go above and beyond with the household chores. When your spouse has a rough day or a work deadline, you take on more responsibility around the house. You don’t expect them to repay you. Your actions are genuinely rooted in love.
According to Brad Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project, generosity in marriage is “signaling to your spouse that you know them, and are trying to do things for them that are consistent with your understanding of them.”
Why generosity matters in marriage…
In an interview with the New York Times, Wilcox frames it this way:
“In marriage, we are expected to do our fair share when it comes to housework, childcare and being faithful, but generosity is going above and beyond the ordinary expectations with small acts of service and making an extra effort to be affectionate. Living that spirit of generosity in a marriage does foster a virtuous cycle that leads to both spouses on average being happier in the marriage.”
Researchers found that spouses who show generosity view their marriage as more satisfying. These spouses were the ones who gave, not received, the acts of kindness and appreciation. When we shower our spouse with selfless acts, we’re more satisfied with our relationship.
Does this mean that more generous spouses have a happier, more satisfying marriage? Is the secret being more generous? Maybe. It sure doesn’t hurt!
Researchers did find a correlation between generosity and marital satisfaction, but they couldn’t pinpoint which came first. Does being more generous lead to more satisfaction? Or is it the other way around?
I can’t answer that question (and they couldn’t either), but both are a good thing. What matters is that these spouses genuinely love and care for each other.
So, where do you go from here?
You can express radical generosity toward your spouse. You don’t have to shower them with gifts or a trip to a tropical island. (Although, who doesn’t love both of those?) You can start today with small gestures. In marriage, it’s the little things that mean the most. Make their coffee. Send a text to show your appreciation. Show genuine affection. Forgive them.
Ready to get started? Ask your spouse to finish this phrase: “I feel loved when you…” Then find ways to be generous in making them feel more loved than ever.
Great articles to help you be more generous with your spouse:
- Practical Ways to Practice Generosity in Marriage
- 7 Ways to Show Your Spouse You’re Thankful for Them
- What to Do When My Spouse Feels Unappreciated
- DIY Date Night | Appreciation Station
- 6 Exercises to Strengthen Emotional Intimacy in Marriage
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
DIY Date Night | Spring Fever
Although spring is right around the corner, many people still feel like they’re in the middle of winter. Whether you’re trapped in the middle of a snowstorm or enjoying some sunny weather, this DIY date night will get you and your love in the springtime mood! Here are a few ideas for what you can do on this date night (pick which one works best for you!), plus a few conversation starters to keep those convos deep, meaningful, and lasting!
Date Idea 1: Grow Old With Me
Supplies:
- Seeds (of any kind! Wildflowers, herbs, veggies, etc.)
- Two pots
- Potting soil
Instructions:
This date night really is as simple as it seems! The goal here is to plant some seeds so that they will grow and bloom (or fruit) by summer. If you’re not much of a green thumb, here’s a great article on what not to do! Once your seeds are planted, be sure to check on them regularly, keep them watered and in sunlight, and watch them grow!
Conversation Starters:
- How have you seen me grow in the past year?
- How do you think you’ve grown in the past year?
- Do you feel like there’s something missing from what you need to grow? (Not getting enough sunlight, water, etc.)
- What do you imagine when you picture us growing old together?
- What’s one thing we can do now to make sure we’re just as in love when we’re old together?
- What can I do to help you grow in the year to come?
- What seeds should we plant in our marriage now to help our relationship bloom/bear fruit later?
Date Idea 2: Spring Cleaning (No really, it’s more fun than it sounds!)
Supplies:
- That one project you’ve been putting off for sooooo long
Instructions:
Sure, this isn’t your typical date night, but who says it can’t be fun? Sometimes doing the most mind-numbing tasks (cleaning out the fridge, organizing that one closet, hanging those pictures you bought 3 months ago…) can turn into a fun memory when you do it with someone you love! Why not try it out? Get with your spouse and decide on 1-3 projects to do on this date night. Then try and make it fun along the way! Be sure to use the conversation starters below to help get the fun going.
Conversation Starters:
- Are there any conversations we need to have that you’ve been putting off?
- Would you say I’m a procrastinator? Whether yes or no, how do you think that affects our relationship?
- Is there anything cluttering our relationship that needs to be cleaned out?
- What’s one thing we can do now to keep things from cluttering our relationship down the road?
- Why do you think it can be so hard to be organized/clean in life?
- Do you consider this a fun date night? Why or why not?
- If you could snap your fingers and have any project (house, work, or other) totally done, what would it be?
Date Idea 3: Paint Your Garden
Supplies:
- Paper
- Finger paint
- Fruits and veggies
Instructions:
Stop repressing that inner 7-year-old and grab some paint! This date night is all about getting creative (and a little messy)! Cut fruits and veggies into shapes to make “stamps” with the paint! For example, if you cut off the base of a bunch of celery, you can use it to make a “flower” shape. Or the top of broccoli can make a sponge-looking pattern. Get creative with it! And when you’re done, you bet that art should be displayed on the fridge!
Conversation Starters:
- If you could choose one art medium to be really talented with, what would you choose?
- What’s one hobby that you would want to pick up? Would you want to do it together?
- If you had to choose a hobby for me to try, what would it be?
- When’s the last time you felt creative?
- Would you say I have an inner child? Why or why not?
- What’s one thing you and I can do together to have fun more regularly?
- What are some ways we can do better about prioritizing play in our relationship?
Date Idea 4: Plan for Adventure
Supplies:
- A computer or phone
- Accountability!
Instructions:
Not really feeling spring yet? That’s okay! What if you planned for it instead? Whether you want to train for a 5k or master your macaroon recipe, you and your partner can put together a plan on how to get there! OR you could even plan for a spring vacation instead. Whatever you choose, talk it through and make it happen!
Conversation Starters:
- What’s one goal you want to accomplish in the next few months?
- In the next year?
- Would you say that I do a good job helping you with your goals?
- How can I be a better support to you when it comes to achieving your goals?
- What’s one way we can be more in tune with each other this spring and help keep each other accountable?
- Do you think I’ve set any unrealistic goals for myself or our relationship?
- Do you consider planning for the future fun? Why or why not?
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